


About Common Sense and Other Unnecessities

by AMidnightDreary



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Attempted Murder, First Meetings, Fluff and Humor, Little Mermaid Elements, Lonely Tony Stark, M/M, MerMay, Merman Loki (Marvel), Snark, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Warning: Loki (Marvel), he's also a bit creepy, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24027538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Tony moves into his house in Malibu, and not much later he discovers that he has a neighbour.A neighbour who apparently wants to kill Tony every time he goes sailing.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 50
Kudos: 424





	About Common Sense and Other Unnecessities

**Author's Note:**

> It is Mermay and this just happened. I'm not sure what it is and I am very tired, but enjoy.❤

Tony knew how to sail. He'd designed the damned boat, of _course_ he knew how to sail. Fine, he hadn't done it in ages, but he still expected everything to go well when he put out, because it was barely even noon and the sky was clear and blue and bright, and the sea was calm.

So yeah, when his boat got pushed over by a wave that had come out of freaking nowhere, Tony went through a quick succession of feelings: first surprise, then confusion, then _major annoyance._

If you wonder why fear wasn't among Tony's feelings - his competitive streak was simply a lot stronger than his common sense.

When he broke through the surface, coughing and gasping for breath, the sea was absolutely calm again. There wasn’t even a _wisp_ of wind. Scowling, Tony swam over to his boat which had been turned upside down and clung to it for a while until he recovered from the surprise. He tried to turn it over again, but it was much too heavy and he had no leverage in the water, so he gave up eventually and swam back to shore, which was no fun at all. He had JARVIS call for someone to retrieve the boat, and by then he’d already decided that he would go sailing again the next day.

~

He hadn’t expected it to happen again. He had been completely _sure_ it wouldn’t happen again, because he had tweaked his boat a bit to make sure that it wouldn’t, and there still wasn’t any wind today.

Anyway - it happened again.

This time, the sailboat was hit by something before it keeled over. The impact made the whole boat shake and Tony, who had been leaning over the railing to watch the sea, fell into the water even before the boat turned turtle. 

Before he could gather his wits and look around to see what the fuck had happened, the boat got turned and crashed down on him, creating waves that had him doing somersaults underwater. He didn’t see anything in the swirls of blue and white, except -

Except maybe a flash of something green.

~

The next day, Tony went surfing. There weren’t nearly enough waves for it, but that didn’t matter since he didn’t actually _want_ to surf. What he wanted was lay on his stomach on the board and peer down into the water, because no, he did not know when to stop and _no,_ he could not let any sort of mystery go unexplored. 

He had only moved here two weeks ago and this part of the beach and the sea was _his,_ and he wouldn’t allow anything to keep him from sailing or surfing or doing whatever the hell he wanted. Not even strange underwater currents or sharks. 

Then again, sharks weren’t green, were they?

Well, no matter what it was, Tony would find out. He’d brought a self-built device to measure the currents and a camera; both were fastened to the boat and at the moment floating a few feet below him in the water. After two hours of waiting and nothing whatsoever happening, he got bored, and decided to pull the camera up to see if anything _had_ happened and he just hadn’t noticed.

It turned out that something had. Sadly, Tony hadn’t caught in on camera, because the camera was gone, just like the device he’d built. At the end of the rope, there was nothing except, well, the _end of the rope,_ albeit it was a lot more frazzled than Tony remembered. 

“I don’t think currents do this sort of thing,” he said.

 _“I agree,”_ JARVIS replied, sounding equally nonplussed. And possibly a bit exhausted. 

(Hey, at least Tony had brought an earpiece with JARVIS in it, so that he could call for help if necessary. That had not been Tony’s idea. It had been JARVIS’ idea. But Tony had listened to him, and that had to count for something, right?)

 _“Maybe it would be wise to return to the shore, sir,”_ JARVIS said.

“Yeah,” Tony said slowly, sitting back on his knees on the surfboard, “but maybe I should -”

He stopped. He stopped because there was a hand holding on to his board, and the hand wasn’t his own. It also came from _under the water_ , grabbing the edge of the board with long, pale fingers. Slowly, another hand joined the first, and Tony had about 0.3 seconds to realize that there were slimy looking membranes between the fingers and that this _might_ be a bigger problem than he had thought before a head emerged - a human looking head and a human looking face, but not very human looking ears. Black, wet hair falling into blazing green eyes, and there were teeth that looked sharper than -

The thing hissed at Tony, fucking _hissed_ at him. Sharp teeth bared in a snarl and finned ears splaying out, along with a shrill sound that made Tony’s ears hurt. He yelped and toppled backward, trying to get away from whatever _that_ was, and then suddenly the thing flipped the safeboard over and made Tony fall into the water with flailing limbs.

For a moment, he was very sure that he was going to die. But then his head was not underwater anymore and he could breathe again, and that thing was… gone. Or at least Tony couldn’t see it anymore. He looked around, brushing his hair out of his face, but the sea around him looked absolutely harmless.

He couldn’t see his surfboard, though.

~

So, after swimming back to shore a second time, which was _still_ no fun at all, Tony spent a long, long night researching mermaids. Nothing he found online was very helpful, though - lots of sites about myths and folklore, and even more pseudo-credible forums for people who claimed that they had seen mermaids and then added a picture of an oarfish that was probably dying.

Eventually, Tony just sat in his workshop at about four am and wondered if he had finally lost his mind, or if he had actually seen - something. Well, it had definitely been something. Because it hadn’t been nothing, and everything that was not _nothing_ had to be _something,_ and that meant that Tony had seen something that was either a very human-looking oarfish or a mer… creature.

According to the myths, mermaids weren’t as nice and lovely as Disney wanted you to think. According to the myths, mermaids were dangerous and cruel creatures who dragged sailors down to the sea to eat them. It would be a very stupid to go chasing one.

According to Tony’s life history so far, he was prone to do stupid things.

~

It took three weeks and several more incidents until Tony got an actual look at the creature. He saw it swimming under his boat, its silhouette blurry and distorted by the surface. Maybe it caught him looking, because suddenly it flapped its tail, splashing Tony with water, and then it dove deeper and finally disappeared.

Tony’s boat didn’t keel over that day, but Tony still needed a long time to gather his wits. The creature had to be _at least_ ten feet long. Its upper body looked perfectly human, lean and pale-skinned, but the _tail -_ the tail was long and strong, with deep green scales catching the light that broke through the surface and big black fins at the sides and the end. 

All in all it was the most beautiful thing Tony had ever seen, and also the most terrifying.

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat,” he told JARVIS.

 _“Do you want to catch it, sir?”_ JARVIS asked, with the long-suffering tone of someone who had been suffering Tony’s antics for a long time.

“No,” Tony said, truthfully.

But he decided right then and there that he needed to know _everything_ about it.

~

“Okay, uh. I don’t know if you can hear me down there - are you even down there right now? Because I’ve been waiting here for three hours. Usually you try to drag me into the water after about ten minutes.”

Silence.

“Look, I don’t know why you’re so mad at me, but - I mean, you don’t have to be. I’m not _doing_ anything, okay? I don’t want to hurt you. But that’s my house right there, so we’re neighbours now, and you’ll have to learn how to deal with it.”

Silence.

“Hello?”

Silence.

“Are you sulking because I made my boat unsinkable? Because I feel like you’re sulking.”

Silence.

“Do you even speak English?”

Definitely sulking.

~

The next time Tony went surfing, the creature came back and stole his board again.

It was good to know that the game was still on.

~

“You know,” Tony said, “I’m not just going to stop coming out here. You know that by now, don’t you?”

There was no reply. But then again, there never was.

He was lying on his back on his surfboard, one hand dangling in the water. The sun was still shining down on him, but it would be getting dark soon. He’d been here for a few hours now, and even though it was getting uncomfortable, he wasn’t about to just _leave._ He knew that the creature was below him somewhere. When Tony had first come out today, it had thrown him off his board again, but this time it hadn’t stolen it, so Tony had stayed. And now and then he could sense something moving underneath him - a wave that was not quite a wave giving his board a nudge, carrying him a few feet farther. He looked down now and then, and twice he had seen a brief flash of dark green scales before it disappeared into the deep.

Tony didn’t know if the creature could hear him, or if it understood him. But Tony liked talking, and since he had nothing better to do, he talked.

“You’ve got to believe me that I don’t mean you any harm. I’m just - you know, curious. I’ve never seen something like you before. I mean, someone. Someone like you.”

He couldn’t hear anything except the sea, and the quiet cries of some gulls who were fighting about fish near the beach.

“I won’t tell anyone about you, either,” Tony added, and then he laughed. “I’ve got nobody I could tell.” He paused. “I mean, I could tell Obie, but he’d just pat my back and fuck off again, because he doesn’t actually listen to what I say. Rhodey’s off being a hero, and he’d just think I’m drunk. I’ve told Happy weirder things and he’s just unimpressed by everything; he’d be unimpressed by this, too. And that - that’s it, really. I’ve got nobody I could tell.”

There was no reply.

Tony sighed. “You don’t talk much, do you?”

~

Tony made camp on the sea. Four months had passed since he had gone sailing for the first time, and he had barely seen the creature in the last four weeks. It had stopped capsizing his boat and stealing his surfboard, but Tony _knew_ that it was still there. When he was lying on his surfboard or sitting in his boat, he could feel that he wasn’t alone. He could tell that he was being watched and - maybe, possibly, hopefully - listened to.

So, yes, he made camp on the sea. He’d brought food and water and stuff to keep himself entertained, and he was prepared to stay here for a few days, figuring that if he just didn’t get out of the creature’s hair, it would come and talk to him eventually. If it could talk. 

If _he_ could talk.

His neighbour didn't show himself for two entire days. Tony tried not to be annoyed, even though this was time he could have spent in the workshop. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make, because, well -

This _was_ about a fucking mermaid.

There were worse places to be, of course. Tony wasn't much of a nature person, but even he had to admit that it was _nice_ to be out here, with the endless dark see around and the clear, star-filled sky above him. There were some clouds at the edge of the horizon, but apart from that it was a lovely night, and all in all it was almost better than spending hour after hour designing weapons for SI.

It was already way past midnight when, finally, something changed. Tony had been dozing away, throat a bit sore from talking for hours, but when he heard a splashing sound from somewhere close by, he immediately sat up. 

Just an hour ago, the light of moon and stars had been enough for Tony to see, but now the sky was dark and clouded. He fumbled for his torch in the dark and when he finally found it, he looked around frantically until the shine of the torch fell on what he'd been searching.

For several long seconds, Tony just stared. The creature was right there. It - he. _He_ was right there, in the water not far away from the boat, and he met Tony's gaze without flinching.

"Uh," Tony said. "Hi. It's - it's nice to see you, I guess? Er. Thank you for… not making me take an involuntary swim again."

At first, the mermaid - well, the mer _man -_ showed no reaction. For once in his life Tony had no clue what to say, so he just kept gaping until the merman suddenly moved, making his way to the boat quickly and elegantly. Tony forced himself to stay where he was, hoping that this wouldn't end up being the last moment of his life.

The merman grabbed the edge of the boat. His eyes were narrowed, and suddenly he reached up - Tony flinched away, but all the merman did was reach for the torch Tony was still holding and lower it until it didn't point directly at his face anymore.

"Oh," Tony said absently. "Sorry."

The merman didn't reply. For the first time Tony could see him properly, and he found that his earlier impression was still true - the merman was very beautiful, and also very terrifying. His skin was pale and had a greenish tinge, and there were dark scales on his shoulders and arms, scattered over his skin as if it couldn't decide whether it wanted to look human or not. His eyes were the greenest Tony had ever seen, and the slitted pupils were a bit disturbing. His ears were lined with fins that peeked out from his pitch black hair, and while he wore his hair long and open, Tony could see braids falling down to his shoulders, and there was something glistening woven into the strands - pearls, perhaps, or seashells. Tony swallowed hard.

The merman supported himself on the boat and pushed himself up until he and Tony were nearly at eye-level. Tony felt like he was being regarded with the same sort of shocked fascination he felt himself. 

When the merman spoke, Tony nearly dropped the torch.

"There is a storm coming," he said, his voice low and a little hoarse. The gills at both sides of his neck fluttered a little as he spoke.

Tony tried to pick his jaw off the floor. "Is there?"

The merman's eyes narrowed again. He gave a curt nod and then suddenly he was gone again, fins causing a stir in the water when he disappeared.

Tony fell back on his ass, absolutely stunned. Then he looked up at the sky and back at the beach, which seemed to be much further away than it should have been. It was only a thin line at the horizon.

"Shit."

~

He did not make it back to the shore in time. The storm was faster, and it caught up with him briefly before sunrise. The sky above him roared and rumbled, and there were lightnings brightening up the sea, making it awfully easy to see the waves threatening to crash down on him.

Tony had improved his boat, yes. But it was still just a small sailing board, and while it could survive the by now playful attacks of a merman, it was not meant to weather a storm like this.

Tony was fucked, and even though he fought tooth and nail to stay over water, he lost the battle pretty soon. A single wave was all it took to throw him off the boat, and then there was nothing.

~

Tony woke up to a burning pain in his lungs. He coughed up water before he even knew what was happening and there was a brief rush of panic when he noticed that there was still water around him, but then he realized that he could also feel sand beneath himself and he managed to turn onto his side, which made it a little easier to get the water out of his lungs.

"Congratulations," a voice said next to him. "That was exceptionally stupid."

Tony, still wheezing for air, flinched and then stared at the merman, who was lounging in the sand right next to Tony. He was lying on his back, his tail curling in the water that rocked him back and forth a little with every wave.

This was so insane that Tony had to laugh, and _that_ was so exceptionally stupid that he started coughing again. The merman merely rolled his eyes and stretched, apparently enjoying the dim sunlight shining down on his face. 

When Tony could breathe again, he sat down heavily in the sand. His eyes and chest were still burning and his nose and throat felt like he'd swallowed a few mouthfuls of acid, but he was going to live. Probably.

He stared at the merman. "You, uh. You really saved me, huh?"

"Your observation skills are truly impressive."

Okay, so this wasn't only a merman. It was a _sassy_ merman. Tony blinked at him. "I didn't think you could speak English."

"I don't," the merman said. It was a very confusing answer. Then, "So you merely chattered on to me for hours on end to pass the time?"

"Er. Yes. Sort of."

The merman glanced at him. "Fascinating," he said, sounding not very fascinated.

Tony grinned crookedly at him. He finally looked around, finding that they were on the beach below his house. His boat was nowhere to be seen, though.

"So," Tony said, aiming for cheerful. "You saved me, and you're not trying to kill me anymore."

"Is that so?"

"I mean, you did save me."

"So it seems."

"Does that mean we get along now? Because I have like, at least a million questions."

"I know," he said. "You mentioned that a few times."

"Yes. So. Can I ask them?"

The merman propped himself up on his elbows, looking at Tony. In the sunlight he looked decidedly less terrifying and more beautiful, but only until his lips stretched into a smile that bared his sharp teeth.

"You may ask one of them," he said, almost sweetly. "In exchange for my answer, you will never sail in my waters again."

Tony frowned. "Does surfing count as sailing?"

"You mean that petty board of yours?"

God, if Tony had known that the guy would be such a pain in the ass, he wouldn't have - done anything different, really. 

He found that he kind of liked that the guy was such a pain in the ass.

"Yes," he said. "I mean that petty board of mine."

The merman thought about it for a moment, then he shrugged. "That is fine."

"Great, okay. Done. So, are you the only mermaid living here? Or -"

The merman's tail flapped in the shallow water, and suddenly he looked annoyed again. "Do not call me that."

"Oh," Tony said. "Okay, just... I've no idea what to call you. You're the first - fish person I've met."

This time, the tail moved so hard that it splashed some water right into Tony's face. "Do not call me _that_ again, or I will skin you alive."

Right.

"Sorry," Tony said when he was done spluttering and wiping his face. He found the scandalized look on his new friend's face kind of amusing, though, and grinned. "Tell me what to call you, then."

The fish person - yup, Tony was going to keep calling him that just to be a nuisance - rolled his eyes again, and it seemed a little like he already regretted the deal they had just made. But after a moment he said, "You may call me Loki."

"Loki," Tony repeated. "Okay. Hi. I'm Tony."

"I _know._ You mentioned it -"

"A few times, yes, I know. So, about my question -"

Another eye-roll. They were going to fall right out of Loki's head at some point if he kept that up.

~

The funny thing about questions was that, most of the time, having one of them answered was not nearly enough to explain everything. Especially not when mermaids - pardon, fish people - were involved. 

So after Tony's first question - answer: no, there were living no other fish people close to Tony's house; apparently Loki was entirely alone - came another, and then another, and then another, and eventually Loki even stopped rolling his eyes. He also stopped pretending that he wanted anything in return, which was good. He also asked his own questions, which was even better.

And soon enough, lying on his surfboard in the middle of day and talking to a fish person was Tony's new normality.

Loki was swimming right next to Tony while he halfheartedly paddled through the water. He was always distracted when Loki was close by, even now that they hadn't said a word in a while. Oddly enough, Tony enjoyed both the silence and the company. It gave him a chance to really _look_ at Loki, at his tail and his gills and his weird ears. Loki was on his back, his tail pushing him forward with slow and lazy movements. How effortlessly elegant he was was fucking unfair.

Tony stopped paddling and pushed himself up on his elbows, looking at Loki. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Loki said at once, which was the best sign of how much progress they had made.

"Why did you save me that one day?"

Loki looked at him for a moment, then he rolled his eyes and turned in the water, diving under. (So much progress.) 

Tony huffed and wanted to call something snarky, but then Loki already showed up again, this time in front of Tony's board. He grabbed the tip of it and so stopped Tony from paddling.

"Why shouldn't I have?" Loki asked, watching Tony closely.

Tony gave him a pointed look. "Do I need to remind you of what happened the first time I saw you?"

"I stole your trinkets."

"You _hissed_ at me."

Loki furrowed his brow. "I do not like it when humans roam around my waters."

Tony snorted. "Yeah, no shit."

"I found that I do like it when _you_ roam around my waters."

Oh.

Tony could only stare at Loki. He wasn't sure if he knew what Loki meant. Actually, he wasn't even sure if Loki himself knew what he meant.

"You do?" he asked finally, aware of how dumbfounded he sounded and not even caring.

Loki nodded. After a moment of just watching Tony he lifted his shoulders, glancing back to the beach. "I cannot blame you. Living up there in that big, empty house must be terribly boring."

Tony couldn't even argue against that. His house was big, and it also felt very empty at times. And he had told Loki so, too - back when all their conversations had been onesided, Tony had told Loki just about everything. It wasn't farfetched to say that Loki knew more about him than anyone else.

It was quiet for a while. They looked at each other, Loki's tail keeping the surfboard steady. Fuck, Tony couldn't _stop_ looking at Loki. He liked looking at Loki. 

Though he had to admit that looking at Loki _right now_ was a little weird.

Well, Loki's eyes looked weird, anyway. Tony needed a moment to realize that it was because the slitted pupils were gone, replaced by human looking ones. 

Tony felt his own eyes widen. But before he could say anything, he was distracted by the sight of the fins at Loki's ears just _retracting,_ until just normal human ears were left.

Tony stared at him. "What."

Loki grinned, which allowed Tony to see that Loki's teeth weren't sharp anymore, either. Tony scrambled forward on the board to see if Loki's tail was still there - it was, and it looked exactly like it always looked.

"What are you _doing?"_ Tony asked, stunned. "How are you -"

"I am imitating you," Loki replied easily, acting like he didn't know that he'd just impressed the hell out of Tony. "I never tried that before."

"Are you - did you just -" Tony fought for words. "What the _fuck,_ Loki. Why -"

"You're pretty," Loki interrupted him, and it was just about the oddest and most disarming thing he could have said right now.

Tony felt like his brain had just took on its coat and clocked out for the day.

Loki grinned, sharply, and used his tail to push himself up until they were facing each other directly. "What do you think, hm?"

Nothing much. Tony thought nothing much about anything right now. He didn't even think about kissing Loki before he did it, but then he was already doing it, and then Loki flipped the goddamn surfboard over.

Ten seconds later, Tony was clinging to the board, gasping for breath. Loki was right in front of him, one arm resting on the board, and looked at Tony more than just a little oddly. His slitted pupils and finned ears and sharp teeth had returned.

"What was that?" Loki asked, his tone somewhere between curious and wary.

How was this Tony's life.

"A kiss," he said. "That was a kiss. Was flipping my board over again really ne-"

"Yes," Loki said.

"Do you really not know what a kiss is?"

Loki shook his head. "We do not do that."

Okay, so, Tony really wanted to know what fish people did _instead_ , but for now there were more important questions to ask.

"Do you - can you get yourself _legs?"_

Loki blinked, inclining his head as if he hadn't thought about that before. "You know," he said eventually, "I think I could."

Wow. Just wow.

~

A few days later, Tony opened the door to find Loki standing in front of it. Yes, standing. On legs. Because that was obviously a normal thing to do for a fish person.

He was also wearing clothes.

"Where did you get the clothes?" Tony asked.

Loki just shrugged and grinned, and then he walked on slightly wobbly feet past Tony into the house, as if he belonged there.

Tony snorted a laugh and closed the door, and from there on the house didn't feel empty anymore.


End file.
